The Fanciful Four
by prissygirl
Summary: What do you get when you turn HP characters into super heroes? You get this story! Includes HGSS, Ron bashing, Dumbledore bashing, and Malfoy bashing. Now complete, with even more bashing for your buck!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP, but...well I guess that's it really.**

_**The Fanciful Four**_

_The Adventures of SuperSev and Braingirl...da dum da da da dum_

"Now wait just one moment!" Hermione Granger shouted, as the super hero theme began to play.

Although he already regretted it, Severus Snape asked, "What's the matter this time?"

Hermione put her hands on her hips and stared up at the sky. "This story is sexist!"

Before Severus could ask why (and that's saying he actually wanted to know) Hermione explained.

"I'm your sidekick, which means I do nothing but look good in tight tights and a mini skirt," Hermione complained. "And I'm called Braingirl. I don't even have my name in it like you do."

"Well, you do look goo…I mean, I don't think three letters count as a name," Severus covered quickly.

"Well, it's better than Braingirl! And why is it always something-girl? I'm a woman!" Hermione said, as she stamped her foot.

"You sure are," Severus complimented.

Hermione, thinking he was being sarcastic because of her pouting, decided to do something really mature and stuck her tongue out at him.

Severus returned the favor, although he could think of a much better use for their tongues.

"Well, it's not like your name is that great either. SuperSev? Come on, get real!"

All of the sudden the booming voice of the writer…boomed from above where she was having an alfresco lunch on a cloud with the Metatron.

"Ok, fine. Your names are now Batgit and Super 'Mione. Happy?"

"No," the two answered in unison.

"Well, anyway," the voice continued, "go meet Wonderboy, the Flaming Head, and Ferretboy at Hogwarts," the writer sniggled. "Give you one guess what Ferretboy's power is."

Severus scratched his head. "Is that some new sexual term? I can't keep up anymore. Every time I open my mouth I offend someone. Nothing is sacred anymore. Thongs, apple pie, the list goes on and on. I can't even go hide in my dungeon anymore because people think I'm doing naughty things down there," Severus complained.

"Then you probably don't want to know what Flaming means," Hermione laughed.

Severus just glared at her as they jumped into his Gitmobile and drove to meet the other heroes. After a long drive during which time Hermione described in great length something or other, Severus was glad to be at Hogwarts. His happiness lasted until he saw the three other superheroes.

"Harry? Ron? What are you doing here?" Hermione exclaimed.

"We're superheroes!" Ron a.k.a. the Flaming Head explained. "We call ourselves The Golden Trio!"

Hermione's face fell. "But that was our name!" she exclaimed.

"You've been replaced by a more qualified person," Draco a.k.a. Ferretboy snarled. "So what are you anyway," he said while looking her over, "Mudbloodgirl?"

"Uh-oh," Severus thought, "Now he's done it. She's going to kill him for saying that."

Just as Severus predicted, Hermione whipped out her wand and blew Ferretboy to smithereens.

"I'm not a girl!" she yelled.

The remaining two of The Golden Trio: Super Hero Edition, glanced momentarily at the space that use to be Ferretboy and then ran to give Hermione a hug.

Severus rolled her eyes.

"Hey, stop that! I can roll my own damn eyes!" Hermione protested.

Severus shrugged. He couldn't help it if he could control people. Just like he couldn't control what he was about to do.

"Ow, ow, ow," Harry a.k.a. Wonderboysaid, as he continuously bashed his head against Ron, who joined him in a chorus of ows.

"Batgit," Hermione warned.

"Batgit, that's…ow…funny," Ron laughed or cried.

As Hermione glared at him again, Severus shot her a look of his own.

"And exactly what are you going to do…"

Severus didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as he turned into a pumpkin.

"I hate vegetables," he complained, in Vegetablese.

Hermione, who was fluent in over 20 languages (Vegetablese being one of the many Edible languages she knew), just chuckled.

"Will you be nicer if I turn you back?" Hermione asked, although to the guys it just sounded like "Veell yuoo be-a neecer iff I toorn yuoo beck?"

Severus nodded, or to be more precise wobbled back and forth.

Hermione smiled and Severus resumed his regular shape, although his pants seemed a bit too long for him now. He gulped. "I hope that's the only thing that's changed in size," he thought.

"Hah, hah…Snape has…ow…size issues," Ron laughed.

Severus looked worriedly at the Flamming Head. "Your power is reading minds?" he asked uneasily.

"No, but I could tell by the…ow…way you were…ow…looking at Little Batgit."

Ron and Harry exchanged high fives as they continued to exchange high heads. When Hermione gave Severus the "if you don't want to be a squash again" look, he reluctantly stopped the two bumping heads. "It wasn't like it was going to damage anything," he mumbled.

All of the sudden Hermione pulled out her wand and pointed it at him. Severus crossed his fingers and hopped that this spell wouldn't cause him to shrink.

"Batgit, look behind you!" Hermione yelled.

Severus turned around, relieved that he was not to spend the rest of his life as a turnip or something equally horrible, when he found himself staring up at something even more horrible than a giant turnip with two heads. It was a giant Weasley with two heads.

"Oh…potter."

"Yes?" Harry answered.

"No, that's my new word for shit."

"Oh…okay then," Harry replied.

"I suggest we run," Hermione said. "Does anybody second the motion?"

"I."

"I!"

"Aye aye captain!"

After everybody rolled their eyes of their own accord at Ron, they ran while screaming like little girls. They made it about four feet when the two-head redheads picked them up.

"Hey there little people. Our name is Geored," one of the heads said.

"I thought we decided our name was Frerge!" the other head yelled.

As the two heads started arguing, Harry whispered to Snape who was two fingers away from him.

"Quick! Grab my wand."

"Grab your own wand," Snape said. "I'm busy trying to esca…"

After turning beet red at the fact that he was a very perverted man, Snap grabbed Harry's wand out of Harry's back pocket and tossed it to its owner.

Harry muttered a few choice words and moments later Geored or Frerge (whichever you prefer) was lying unconscious on the ground.

While the four freed themselves Severus begrudgingly congratulated Harry.

"Well Potter, you've managed to save the day. Again," he said coldly.

Harry smiled smugly. "Yes, I believe that brings my grand total to three. Although, who's counting?"

"Three?" Hermione asked puzzled.

"Just right now, killing Voldy," Harry said as he counted them on his fingers. "And this particularly interesting night at the Three Broomsticks when I helped Sna…"

The story of Harry's third victory was cut short when Snape placed a silencing charm on him.

"He helped me out of a rough spot, that's all," Severus explained. Behind his back Harry mimicked drinking and some other rather inappropriate actions.

Ron laughed. Hermione looked horrified and Harry cried out in mute pain as Severus's elbow collided with his ribs.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were there," Severus lied, rather unconvincingly for a former spy.

Rather unconvinced, Harry just glared back at him. A few moments passed before Ron made an announcement.

"I've got a plan!"

The other three were saved the mental anguish of having to listen to him by the arrival of Albus Dumbledore (a.k.a. the Candy Man, because the candy man can)

"Um Albus," Severus questioned, "why are you in a wheelchair?"

Albus smiled and his eyes twinkled. "Don't you think it makes me look powerful?"

Severus lifted a overly huge eyebrow. "About as much as that Smurf tattoo on your…"

This time it was Severus who was hit by a silencing charm.

"He never would tell me how he found out about that," Albus muttered.

Harry, who was now able to speak again, explained. "Prof. McGonagall told us." What Harry neglected to mention was who had spiked the professor's punch in the first place, which had led to her giving out rather private information. The number of spikers was also an important fact.

A duet of "ews" came from Ron and Hermione.

An incredibly awkward silence followed until Albus spoke again. "Well, I have a mission for you all. Dr. Von Voldymort has captured Princess Ginny. You are to find her and bring her home. Any ideas where he might be keeping her Severus? Speak up my boy!"

"Sir, you have him under a silencing spell," Hermione reminded him.

Albus's twinkle faded for a moment before he shook his head and winked at Hermione. "It's true what they say. You really are the smartest witch of your age. I was just testing you."

Ron snorted. Even he got that one.

Albus had just finished unmuting Severus when Harry spoke up. "Is Dr. Don Voldymort related to my Voldy?"

The old crazy man turned towards Harry. "In the respect that he's the same guy, yes. Oh, by the by, did I forget to mention that you didn't actually kill him last time and he's still alive?"

Severus chuckled. "Nice one potterhead."

Harry did a double take. Then he did a triple take. Then he fainted.

* * *

**Next Episode: The Fanciful Four get their name.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I'm too sexy to own Harry Potter, to sexy to own Harry Potter, so sexy...**

**_Ch. 2 "The Adventure Continues"_**

Wonderboy's powerful senses told him he was moving at an incredible speed. Or rather he was in something that was moving at an incredible speed. As he opened his eyes, he sprang up and drew his wand.

"Nobody move or I'll…." he faltered when he noticed that he had not been kidnapped by kidnappers, but his friends. He sat back down quietly.

"Yes Potter?"

"Never mind."

All was silent for exactly 3 minutes and 20 seconds, when out of the blue Ron came up with a good idea.

"We need a name," he announced.

The other three looked at each other in astonishment. Ron had a point. And that was weird.

"Maybe I'm still unconscious," Harry thought.

Ignoring everyone's amazed or confused expressions, Ron continued. "So I was thinking…"

"That's unusual," said Severus, who had finally recovered enough to make a cheap shot.

"I was thinking we could call ourselves Wand-Men or Mighty Morphin Power Wizards.What do you think?"

The only answer was a faint mumble of "sexist pig" from the area where Hermione was sitting.

"How about Justice League of America?"

Hermione sighed. "Ron, we don't live in America."

Ron giggled. "How about Teenage Mutant Ninja Wizards or Potterpuff Gir…"

"If you finish that sentence you shall wish to walk the rest of the way," Snape growled.

Harry looked confused. "Why would he want to do that?"

"Because sitting down would be very painful considering his wand would be stuck up his a…"

Severus's use of profanity was cut short by Hermione clamping her hand over his mouth.

"I can replace that with duct tape if you don't start being nice," she warned as she removed her hand.

"That's not much incentive," Severus said seductively with a wink.

A sickening noise directed everyone's attention to Harry. "I think I just threw up in my mouth," he explained.

As a chorus of "gross" echoed through out the car, the Gitmobile turned off the main road and slowed down.

"I will need everyone's attention now," Severus demanded. "We all have some very important decisions to make."

After they all conversed for a few minutes, Severus rolled down the window.

"We'll have seven cheeseburgers, 4 large fries, and 4 cokes."

Seven cheeseburgers, 4 large fries, and 4 cokes later Hermione realized something.

"Severus do we even know where we're going? Dumbledore didn't give us the location of Dr. Von Voldymort's lair."

Severus sighed and handed Hermione a map. Smack dab in the middle, in bright fluorescent colors read "Dr. Von Voldymort's Lair."

"Where did you find this?" Hermione asked, puzzled.

"It was laying on the driver's seat when I got into the car," Severus explained.

"What luck!" Ron was so excited he jumped up and hit his head on the roof of the Gitmobile.

"It sounds rather fishy though," speculated Harry.

Severus sighed again. Over the years he had perfected it to an art form.

"Unlikely coincidences are often used by authors when they are too lazy or too stupid to think up a realistic reason for something. For example, I could have tortured Lucius and found the lair's location that way. Or I could have used my resources as a former Death Eater and blackmailed some…"

"Or I could have used my knowledge and your knowledge and Harry's knowledge of Dr. Von Voldymort and brilliantly figured out his hiding place," Hermione interrupted.

"I could have tapped into Voldy's mind via our strange and freaky connection and found out," Harry shouted enthusiastically.

"And I could have…ow!"

For what seemed the millionth time that day, everyone looked at Ron.

"My head hurts for some reason," he complained as he rubbed said spot.

The remaining three sighed. These jokes were getting really old and it was only the second chapter.

Nobody spoke for awhile, each imagining how they would have miraculously uncovered the exact longitude and latitude of the lair. Except for Ron.

"Lightbulb!"

As readers across the globe groaned, Ron proceeded to tell of his beyond brilliant idea.

"We could be the Fantastic Four," he said with a grin.

Harry patted his friend on the shoulder. "Hate to break it to you mate, but that name has already been taken."

As Ron sobbed openly a very familiar and annoying voice was heard.

"May I make a suggestion?"

The superhero gang sans a name looked at the front of the car where a screen with Albus Dumbledore's face had appeared.

"Have you been eavesdropping on us?" Hermione asked.

"Of course not, my dear," Albus answered. "That would be a violation of your privacy and against everything I stand for."

Severus lifted his super eyebrow that had the power to mesmerize and make everyone ask "just how does he do that?".

"Then how did you know what we were talking about, Albus?"

"Um," Dumbledore's eyes darted around the room, looking for someone to pin the blame on.

"Fawkes told me!" he squeaked.

Fawkes cawed in protest. He was always getting the blame and none of the credit. Every brilliant thing Dumbledore had done over the years had been Fawkes doing. The man would be lost without him. He was the one who had told Dumbledore that Princess Ginny was missing in the first place. Heck, he was the one who told Dumbledore that his glasses were on top of his head each morning.

Paranoid as the Headmaster was, he still had an opinion to share.

"You shall be named The Fanciful Four. End transmission. Now where did I put my glasses?"

Deciding not to tell him that they could still see him, the members of Fantastic Four decided to put it to a vote. But as the author had already started calling them by the name and her opinion was more important, they were outvoted 400 to 4.

"I'm calling my agent about this," Severus grumbled.

"Page 394 of Fanfiction: A History states that characters are subjected to the will of the writer and are not allowed to do anything of their own choosing," Hermione declared.

While Severus shook his fist at the sky and muttered obscenities at the writer, Ron spoke up.

"I've read that book. It has pretty pictures."

Hermione turned to stare at Ron. "I didn't know you could read."

Suddenly, a billboard came into view. Hermione pointed at it and told Ron to read it.

"Well come to Vole die morts sea crete hid eout."

* * *

**Next ep: Dr. Von Voldymort has unexpected guests for tea. Will he have enough crumpets to go around? Find out next time on…The Fanciful Four.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Harry Potter. And I don't own the lines I took from Clue. Or Hook, Alice in Wonderland, Rinse the Blood off My Toga...I could go on, but that's actually it.**

_**Ch. 3 "In Which More Bad Jokes Are Made"**_

"Are you quite sure you won't have some more tea?"

Princess Ginny shook her crowned head. "No, I can't have anymore tea because I haven't had any tea to begin with."

Dr. Von Voldymort mwahhahhad. "Such a silly little prince!"

"I'm a princess!" Ginny said, as she stamped her foot.

"Of course you are." Dr. Von Voldymort patted her on the head.

Ginny screamed in frustration. "Somebody save me!"

All of the sudden, the door (which was actually a frame with beads hanging down from it) was blown up.

"Did someone ask for a rescue?" Harry bellowed. He continued, ignoring Ginny when she raised her hand. "Because Wonderboy has arrived."

"Also known as Faintingboy," Snape mumbled under his breath.

Dr. Von Voldymort pranced up to Harry and spat in his face. Harry wiped the saliva off his glasses with his spandex sleeve.

"Thank you," Harry said sarcastically. "I've been meaning to have my glasses cleaned."

The tension was broken by a sudden scream. The superheroes, the villian, and the hostage all looked towards the corner of the room where the noise had originated from. Then they all groaned in unison.

Except for Ron that is, who skipped gleefully over to Rodentman, who was still mourning his newly broken nail.

"Oh Scabby, I've missed you so much!"

Before dear ol' Scabby could escape, Ron had him in a rib breaking, breath annihilating bear hug.

"Ron, you let go of him this instant!" Hermione ordered. "You don't know where he's been."

But Ron was paying no heed to her warning and before you could say 'Bob's your uncle…he is?' Rodentman had apparated away with Ron.

Hermione whirled to face the person whose fault it was.

"Me? What did I do?" Snape asked incredulously.

Hermione crossed her arms. "You're the oldest one here, so you're respons…"

"Actually pookie, I'm the oldest one here," Dr. Von Voldymort interrupted.

"I meant the oldest non-evil person, duh. Now where was I…oh yes, this is all your fault Batgit!"

Severus had learned long ago that there was no point in arguing with Hermione when she was angry. It just ended up in him being a vegetable.

MEANWHILE

"So, whatcha wanna do? Chess? Checkers? Candyland? Life? Hey, hey, what about Scrabble Scabbers? Hah, hah...ugh."

Pettigrew had finally had enough and had zapped Ron with a sleeping spell. There was only so much a rodent could take. He was beyond regret at taking Ron by now. He was closer to the "jumping of a bridge" feeling.

He looked towards the door, which was an actual door in this lair and started counting. "Five, four, three, two, one…"

BOOM

"Ready or not, here we are!" Harry bellowed.

Severus groaned. "Must you always make a grand announcement anytime you enter a room?"

"Must you always make a sarcastic remark after I make a grand announcement anytime I enter a room?" Harry replied.

"I…" Severus started. Harry had him there.

"Speaking of people who have people somewhere.." Hermione said.

Harry and Severus looked sheepish.

"I don't get it," Ron commented. "And why do those two look like sheep?"

The characters were about to groan when they decided to be random and didn't. Anyway…

"You'll never get me to reveal my evil plan!" Rodentman yelled.

Severus looked confused. "You have a plan? I thought you were just being spontaneous in heronapping the twit."

"Oh yeah," Rodentman remembered. "I forgot."

"Harry, jog his memory," Severus commanded.

Harry hit Rodentman on the head. Rodentman proceeded to collapse onto the floor.

"Sorry guys," Harry said sheepi…said. "I didn't mean to jog him so hard."

Hermione was so tired that she didn't mind Severus rolling her eyes for her.

A few minutes later the Fantastic Four, plus a royal, were packed into the Gitmobile.

"Do we have everything?" Hermione asked.

"Three idiots in the back and two bad guys in the trunk," Severus said as he looked over his shoulder. "Yep, we're all set."

They drove in peace and quiet for 4 minutes and 12 seconds to be exact. (Princess Ginny had a stopwatch.) Then the quiet was interrupted by, you guessed it, Ron.

"Are we there yet?"

"No and if you ask again I'll hex your…socks off," Severus sneered.

Exactly 3 minutes and 40 seconds later….

"I wanna go home," Ron sobbed.

Severus was about to make good on his earlier threat when Hermione grabbed his wand away from him.

"You need to be more caring. Ronald is having a personal crisis."

"Yeah, it's called his life!" Severus exclaimed.

Approximately 2 minutes and 30 seconds later…

"I miss my mommy!"

And then the place where Ron once sat was occupied by a lesser form of life.

"Snape!" Harry yelled.

"Wha…it wasn't…," Snape sputtered. He pointed towards Hermione. "She did it. As much as I'd like to I can't turn Weasley into a carrot at will."

Harry glared at Hermione, who nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders.

"Snape's been a bad influence on you Hermione," Harry scolded.

"The man was crying for his mother for pete's sake!" Hermione screamed. "And think how much happier he'll be as a carrot."

Even though Hermione did have a point, Harry was the boy-who-lived-to-defeat-evil-crazies and he couldn't have food for a best friend. He had his reputation to protect after all.

After glaring at Hermione again, she begrudgingly turned Ron back. One would think the whole thing was a complete and utter waste of time, but it would prove to be yet another pathetic attempt to further the plot.

"Hey guys, I just had an apostrophe!" Ron announced.

"I think you mean epiphany," Hermione corrected, while wondering how he could have had an increase in mental ability while a vegetable.

Ignoring Hermione's comment, Ron continued. "Now that we've captured all the bad guys, aren't we out of a job?"

Suddenly, something fell out of the sky and landed in the middle of the road. Severus swerved and brought the Gitmobile to a stop by the side of the road.

"Is everyone alright?" he asked.

Muffled screams of "horrid treatment", "the Geneva Convention", and "my lawyer" came from the trunk, but they were ignored as the Fanciful Four plus one climbed out of the car.

Once they got closer to the heap, they realized that the heap was not a heap, but Draco Malfoy, with a dagger in his back.

"That's a funny place to carry a dagger."

"Draco's been murdered!"

"Well, that's pretty strange considering Hermione blew him up."

"That's what we call overkill."

"Totally unnecessary."

"Why would anyone want to kill him again?"

Everyone turned to stare at Ron, who had carried on a six-person conversation by himself.

Severus leaned towards Hermione. "You know, there is room in the trunk," he said as he motioned towards Ron.

"Are you insane?" Hermione questioned while raising an eyebrow, proving that she had indeed been spending too much time with Severus. "We may be taking them to Azkaban to have their souls sucked out by dementors, but that's no reason to torture them."

Severus shook his head. He had to get out of there.

* * *

**Next episode:** **Who killed Draco? And more importantly, why did theybring him back from the dead only to kill him again? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I hate everyone. But I really hate J.K. Rowling, because she owns Harry Potter and Co. and that means I don't.**

_**Ch.4 "The Conclusion"**_

"I know who dunnit!"

Severus glanced up at Harry, who was obviously very pleased with himself.

"Voldyfart was in the trunk the whole time, so it couldn't have been him," he explained very slowly.

"Oh." Harry looked crestfallen.

Ron looked perplexed. "Just how does a crest fa…."

Before Ron could finish his undeniably stupid question, Severus came up with a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. He interrupted him. And then he went on to share some information with the gang.

"To cut to the point, I know that Draco and his father had been arguing recently about the Marriage Law. Although that would be an incredibly stupid reason to kill your son," Severus disclosed. " On the other hand, we are talking about Lucius."

Harry's face took on a puzzling look while Hermione blushed and Ron continued to look stupid.

"What's the Marriage Law?"

"Honestly, don't you know anything Potterhead?" Snape snaped. "The Marriage Law was made by the Ministry of Magic's WIKTT Division. Under the rules, Draco had to marry a muggleborn, but he…well, let's say he played for the other team."

"Bad guys?"

"No Harry, the other…other team," Hermione explained, somewhat lamely.

Harry nodded his head, still confused while Ron started doing a SS Guns and Handcuffs cheer.

After watching Ron attempt a high kick, the heroes went back to the Gitmobile and drove off towards Malfoy Manor, knowing nothing of the fate that awaited them.

"Does SHE always have to be so dramatic?" Severus sighed.

"SHE does have a tendency to do that," Hermione agreed.

"What's an other other team?" Harry wailed from the back seat.

Princess Ginny, who had been relatively silent considering the author had forgotten about her, whispered some helpful tidbits into Harry's ear.

Harry quickly rolled down the window and upchucked the contents in his stomach. After he rolled the window back up he turned back to the Princess. "That was gross….that was completely wrong…that had absolutely nothing to do with my question!"

Princess Ginny grinned. Sometimes it was good to be bad.

Just as the old grandfather clock in Malfoy Manor struck 12, the Fanciful Four, a princess, and two very distressed bad guys reached their destination. Severus had just pulled the Gitmobile into the driveway when a loud thump came from a positive vertical direction.

"There's something on the roof," Ron whispered.

Suddenly the something on the roof let out a loud war cry quite similar to that yelled by Xena Warrior Princess. Severus only hoped Lucius wasn't wearing the matching outfit.

"Are you alright Severus?" Hermione asked when she saw the pained look on Severus's face.

He nodded his head. "Just remembering some rather painful memories of being a Death Eater."

"Yes, I can imagine," Hermione said soothingly as she placed a hand on his arm. "If you need someone to talk to…"

Tears started to well up in Severus's eyes. "No, it's too horrible."

"I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself. What is it, torture? Murder? Rape? Whatever it is, I can handle the truth!"

Severus sighed. "I was just reliving those damn Death Eater Christmas parties. They get me every time."

If not for the fact that there was some madman trying to slash his way through the roof of the car, Hermione might have done something she might have later regretted. But as it was, a madman was slashing through the roof and she didn't feel like being decapitated.

A hurried counsel was held on what the best plan of action would be. Severus wanted to reverse the car really fast, which would hopefully cause Lucius to fall off, run the bastard over and then ask questions. Hermione, in her infinite wisdom, realized it was easier to question someone who was actually alive. Before they could argue anymore though, the object of debate managed to rip a whole in the roof causing a unanimous vote of "let's get the hell out of the car".

Staring up at Lucius from the ground, they could all see that he was wearing a black mask with matching spandex attire. It was like a flashback to Christmas's of years ago. "Best not to dwell on that," Severus thought.

"Have much fear! The Man in Black is here!" Lucius yelled.

"Lucius," Severus drawled, "we know it's you."

"I do not know this Lucy-person you speak of. I am the Man in Black," Lucius…I mean, the Man in Black cried.

Hermione snorted. "So, why are you at Lucius's house if you don't know him?" she taunted.

"Um," Lucius paused, taken off guard with this piece of logic, "Tupperware party?"

Harry chortled.

Ron guffawed.

Hermione got out her thesaurus and looked up more synonyms.

"Give up you measly pack of pachyderms. You're no match for my pureblooded ego. Who among you could actually give me a challenge? The scar with a body attached to it? The man with hair almost as girlish as mine? The filthy bookaholic girl?…"

"Better watch you tongue Lucius," Severus warned. "Your son was killed for the same mistake. Well...at least the first time he died was because he made the same…," Severus paused and took his foot out of his mouth. He then continued, his foot firmly on the ground.

"Listen pal, we didn't come here to be insulted. We came here to capture you, throw you in the trunk along with the other scum, and then…do other stuff."

"How productive," Lucius replied. "But first, you'll have to catch me." And with those words he took a flying leap and fell flat on his face.

Ron giggled. You could never say his telepathic power to tie people's shoelaces together wasn't useful.

Severus quirked an eyebrow. He had finally realized why Weasley was born.

After tying Lucius up and throwing him in the trunk with the others, the gang took off towards their new destination…Azerbaijan Prison.

"Wait, I thought it was called Azka…oh look a pretty butterfly."

And thus Ron forgot that he actually had a point.

When the gang reached Azerbaijan they threw the three bad guys into the prison without so much as a phone call or reading of their Miranda Rights.

"It sucks to be a bad guy," Rodentman grumbled.

The gang each rolled their own eyes and started to walk of into the sunset. I say started to because they didn't get very far before...

"Wait!"

Our characters turned around and then wished that they could take back the action. It, also known as Albus Dumbledore, was back.

After clearing his throat, Dumbledore look sorrowfully at them all, "I'm sorry, but the story is ending. You might come back in a one-shot, but as of now you are no longer needed."

"What in the blazes are you talking..."

Severus's question was cut short. It might have had something to do with the fact that his head had been cut short as well. Short as in off his body.

Before anyone else could scream they all, one by one, disappeared.

All of them that is, except Dumbledore, whose eyes were twinkling dangerously.

"I lied. I had an ulterior motive," he admitted mischievously. "Welcome to the Adventures of Albus Dumbledore!"

* * *

Author's Note: I apologize for taking too long. What can I say? The plot bunnies were on vacation in Texas. They seem to do that a lot. 


End file.
